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Thursday, August 27, 2009
I like all my readers, I really do. I try to catch up on your lives, eat a crumpet, pour some tea and read your blogs with my monocle and a pipe. All while trying to catch that day's criminal with my trusty friend, Watson. Sometimes you guys leave witty comments that make me laugh, cry, rage out, and/or have sex. I know it's weird. I'm not sure why anyone reads this blog but I'm glad you do. I try to have fresh material and have original thoughts. You will so no "memes" or "surveys" or anything of the like here. The comments are the best part. You guys are so forthcoming and nice and funny and make my day fill so alive. You make feel better about myself. In fact, let me pull up a random comment from yesterday's post to illustrate my point...
"Wow. Whoever did this knows nothing about flow charts. It simply doesn't make any sense. All of those shapes mean something, and every single one of them is used incorrectly. Hope this guy doesn't get hit on by somebody who's computer literate."
Whoops.
SERIOUSLY. We are now ripping on each others' flow chart capabilities. I'm sorry I didn't use the right "shapes" and "arrows" for everyone's liking. I forgot I was explaining Einstein's theory of relativity in flow chart form. Hey, did you guys realize when you're coming to this blog that Your Beard is Good actually stands for "Complex Math Algorithms for the Untrained Mind and Discourse on Theory?" Or as I like to call it CMA-UMDT for short. Actually, maybe I should start doing that. Putting up complex problems that only John Nash or mother f'in Will Hunting can figure out.
"See you Monday. We'll be talking about Freud and why he did enough cocaine to kill a small horse."
THE CHART IS SUPPOSED TO BE HUMOROUS!
I mean honestly, do we need to go over what you're getting yourself into when you start reading my blog? We do? I guess so. Here's what you're going to get.
1. Some horrendous adventures with women.
2. Embarrassing situations involving grandpa's cough syrup
3. Some Funnies.
4. A LOT of sarcasm
4. Maybe a youtube video or 25
5. A satirical view of the world
6. Ranting and Raving
Here's what you won't get...
A PROPERLY DONE FLOW CHART.
Speaking of, let me tell you guys a fun story. So one time I was at a comedy show and this comedian goes on stage and he was telling jokes. So he goes into a story about how he was at a store and he saw his friend so he went outside and "lighted" his cigarette. Well, I was appalled. I raised my hand and said, "EXCUSE ME, it's 'LIT' your cigarette, not 'lighted" you moron. I can't believe a COMEDIAN uses improper grammar. Embarrassing." Because we all go to comedy shows for proper usage of the English language.
What would John Nash say?
29 comments:
That man is just frumpy and grumpy because his roosters been blocked since approximately 1967, and he's been forced to make it with a sock. In other news: I'm a jackass and I love your blog. Oh, and I miss BWP. The end.
Your blog makes me sing stripper music in my head. Take that as you will.
Flow chart man is a jackass. Or jackhole, if I'm speaking to you like I do to my mother - which means avoiding curses so I don't get soap in my mouth. She'd do it. Don't test her.
This one time i went to a wedding and i had a huge rip down the back of my dress. for i don't know how long.
The end.
Interesting. "Flow Man" in his profile says, and I quote: "I might style myself as a curmudgeon had that term not developed certain favorable connotations which I do not feel I possess." AND "this forum will allow me to vent a little so that I don't seem like a chronic complainer to my friends."
He follows 5 blogs. One of which is his own.
That's a sad-old-gray-haired-post-hippie-man-there, dude. But he knows his flow charts.
Great post. Enjoy your crumpets.
:-)
Per comment above, I could probably be characterized as a sad-old-gray-haired-post-hippie-girl myself were it not for the wine (to counteract the sadness) and the occasional salon visit (to combat the grays) and okay I'm not really a hippie anymore since it isn't 1979 right now so I guess I qualify as a post-hippie, but still.
I don't want to boast, but in my fascinating (okay soul crushing) career as a mid-level financial executive (okay minion) I've encountered a well-executed flowchart or two myself. Having said that, your flowchart is far and away the best flowchart I've ever seen in my whole entire life. I printed it out. It makes me happy. I love it. And I've never said those things about any other flowchart before. Ever. So there. :)
I for one enjoy your 100 youtube videos...you already know... it's cause I LOVE YOU!
haaa!
"That Girl"
He's just jealous of your dashing good looks and boyish charm.
The person that left that comment would hate me because I didn't know that "those shapes mean something, and every single one of them is used incorrectly"
Here's why I didn't know it, because I'm normal and have a life.
But you know I love ya and your blog.
I just got my first negative comment two days ago! I got chastised for being to mean to Rumor Willis. And I was all, "what is my blog for if not being an asshole?"
If you don't like it, why bother to comment?
I thought the chart was funny. Thumbs up.
Is there no chance that flowchart man might have been, you know, joking?
When I read that comment I couldn't begin to believe he might be serious.
Oh, and with you on the memes, I don't do them either.
LOL!
Who the hell writes this blog? You're doing it wrong.
Um, it's spelled F-R-O-I-D.
Maybe he meant 'flow' in a gangsta sense. As in 'this chart don't got no flow.' In which case, he'd be more wronger than he is now.
Once again your blog made me laugh out loud! Love it!
Your posts are witty and hilarious and the people that follow it, do so to laugh their asses off and find someway to completely relate to your ridiculous/amazing stories. Flowchart man is just jealous of your way with women and beer (often the combination of both)
Dying laughing!!! Can I get a 'What Would John Nash Say" bracelet. WWJNS for the win!
Ignore the bitter byotch, I do enjoy your flow chart or your other posts.
Wow. I'll come right out for any of those who didn't go bother to check and say that the flowchart bashing was mine. I didn't actually intend it to be a serious slam and thought that the "doesn't hit on someone who's computer literate" line would have made that clear. I have your blog in my reader, read everything you post, and love your writing. Surely you've seen me comment here before. Please accept my most sincere apology if my comment came across in any way as a genuine criticism of this blog, as it was certainly not my intent. I screwed up, I admit it, I'm sorry. Please don't ban me.
Awww... now how can you stay mad with an apology like that? ^^^^
I said something nice. Can I stay? Can I?
Man, if I had a nickel for every time I was chastised about my flowcharting abilities, I'd still have no money.
I think you made a typo up there and I'm really disappointed. You're never supposed to do that.
Commenters are silly. This one included.
I was at a kids birthday party the other day and corrected a 10 year old girl's grammar very loudly. Every one stopped and stared at me.
The funny thing is, I'm not usually a correcty type person...it was some weird mental lapse or something.
It's 'set' NOT 'setted' you moron! I mean, you lovely little girl.
I guess some people don't have a sense of humor, do they Beard Man?
I for one (among millions I tell you) love your blog. Keep on coming with the funnies.
So all of those typos in the first paragraph were in fact a statement on the anti-utilitarianism of proper grammar in conveying the message? Appreciating the destination more than the journey perhaps? Ingeniously-veiled metaphor five!
I thought your flow chart was great! I guess that also makes me an uneducated fool who knows nothing about flow-chartery. Damn! How do I get through my every day life not knowing the exact meaning of every symbol on a flow chart?? I should probably just step out into traffic.
Love your blog - you're great.
the chart is flawed. Yes, flawed. The chart is flawed.
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