Wine + Me + Wine + Music = This Post

I've had the pleasure of being to 3 Indian Weddings in my lifetime. By pleasure I mean undeniable pain and suffering of having to sit through 6 days of "events" that may or may not have included things like watching women get some sort of tattoo design on their hands, watching women set up the venue and watching women talk about everyone else behind their back. Great fun! Not at all. Now when I say Indian wedding I'm sure everyone thinks of horses and ganeshes and all kinds of flowers and such. Yes, that is all true. But this past weekend my cousin had a wedding with an "American" flavor. So it was a traditional small ceremony and reception. No horse, no beach and no priest saying things in a circle and passing around coconut water that is so sweet.

It tastes so good when it hits your lips.

Since it was more American themed there weren't gallant entrances and me asking people "what did he say again" because I don't understand the dialect. The couple had their first dance and after the speeches were given, (which included the best man speech getting zero applause except from me. Welcome to awkward city) the DJ boomed into his mic, "EVERYONE TO THE DANCE FLOOR!" Now I've been to my fair share of weddings. Usually I am hanging out at the bar taking free shots with people that I've never met before and saying things like, "You've seen Cool Runnings?!?! YES! High Five!" and generally looking around to make sure some drunk uncle is more drunk than me.

Less drunk than the drunkest? Stay Thirsty my friends.

I don't know.

So when the DJ told everyone to come to the dance floor I expected a half hearted response. It usually takes a few songs to get the crowd going. Maybe the ChaCha slide. Some gimmick. But this wedding was different. I looked up and the dance floor became enveloped with people from everywhere led by an Indian uncle that was bouncing around like he had done 8 lines of coke in the bathroom.

8 ball, corner pocket.

As I was telling BWP, I'm not sure what you think a large group of Indian people dancing is like, but it was EXACTLY like you would think it would be. Arms were being thrown in the air. Claps were loud. People were bouncing up and down. This is the only way to describe it. If you remember the beginning of Wedding Crashers where they play "Shout" and everyone is going crazy? Yeah, imagine that, but to Indian music and times 1000. People were going bonkers. Of course, since I had to prove my existence I jumped right in there and noticed that these people were actually doing choreographed dances since all Indian songs have dances. I quickly realized that I wasn't doing anything anyone else was doing. So I did the next best thing.

Throwing my arms in the air like an idiot.

I figured you couldn't go wrong with that so I started bouncing around like a moron and had my arms in the air. Let's just say people were looking. Mostly my parents. It got weird. After about 20 minutes of acting the fool I sat back down and my other cousin mentioned that the groom loves Jai Ho. Of course he does. How white is this wedding anyway? Billy Idol alert. So they were going to attempt to do a jai ho line dance. Since i had only 8 glasses of wine I volunteered to teach the moves and lead the line dance.

Whoops.

In hindsight, this was not my best moment. I was half in the bag, my parents and ENTIRE family was present and I proceeded to lead a Jai Ho line dance. After about a minute and a half I realized I didn't know the entire thing. So I quit. I just sort of pretended to know what I was doing and hope no one noticed. And, of course, no one did because these people got some sort of rush from just dancing. I don't know what a high from speed looks like but I imagine to look like this wedding. People everywhere. Yelling, whooping it up. Laughing. It was an experience. The only thing that could have topped it is if a bunch of midgets walked in and started throwing each other in the air. Then it happened. The door opened and in walked...

No one. I made that up.

At the end of the night the DJ switched to some more hip hop/top 4o music so the dance floor cleared out. In plenty of time to bust out the Tom Cruise dance from Tropic Thunder to "Low" by Flo-Rida. It was also at that point my parents dragged me out of there. The whole fake smacking a girl from behind thing is frowned upon. Lame. I gots to get my groove on.

I went home content. Then I heard that there is a video of the wedding. Sweet Sassy Molassey. I can't wait to get a copy of it and label it, "Grandma's shower" so no one ever sees it. Unless you're into that sort of thing. Perverts.