Return of the Mack

( I don't read many relationship type blogs but the one I do read religiously, Long Red Cape, is hosting a contest for her 100th post. Considering her blog is funny and interesting I suggest you enter. Also she's giving away porn and if you don't like porn then, well, I don't know what to tell you except...I heard porn is fun. Heard it from a friend)

I always like meeting bloggers because you inevitably get the question of "Why did you start the blog" and then I have to respond with an incredulous look, kicking at the ground and end up saying, "Because my friend told me to." Which is pretty much the truth. So last night while meeting up with The Internet Sensation (aside: If there was one blog name I could steal it would be this one. I want to be the Internet Sensation, dammit! Maybe I'll just start calling myself the Internet Sensei-tion. Get it?!!? It's Japanese! Wax on, Wax...nevermind) aka Miss Clover and talking about important things like a show about Silverlake, getting texts about Cadbury Eggs, and other unmentionables, I knew the question was coming. When she asked, I wanted to say because I was abducted by Somalian pirates and they force me to write something funny for the sweet treasure I had in my pocket that was in fact a pack of Skittles.

Taste that Rainbow Bitch.

What?

Anyways, I like writing this blog. I'm not sure why I do, but it probably has something to do with the instant gratification of reading comments on something that was not funny or people calling me retarded that is not one of my parents. Over the past few weeks a bunch of regular bloggers I read have been having problems with burnout. See we shouldn't be FORCED to write a blog so I understand. Sometimes its feels like a job. A job where you don't know anyone watching you and where people call you gay and sometimes women profess their love for you and send you naked pics which you then print out in poster size that you put on the back of your bedroom door so you can see it when you are in bed, maybe with your pants off.

I've said too much.


But this is why I'm here today. If you're feeling burnout (picture Uncle Sam pointing at you with his middle finger. F You America) here are a few topics which EVERYONE finds hilarious, interesting, and will get you ladies. If you're a lady then it will also get you ladies and when that happens take video and send to yourbeardisgood@gmail.com.

For proof.

1.) Homeless People - Yes, it is sad that they are homeless. Yes, it is sad that they have totally lost their minds. Yes, it is sad they are the only ones still using cardboard not for moving trinkets in your Office cube. Actually, maybe there's nothing funny about them. Dammit. Um, they smell? That's sad too. I'm going to go give a homeless person a dollar today. Maybe 5. This was depressing.


2.) Dating- Who doesn't like a good ole fashioned dating story where some girl throws up in your friends car or some guy makes you pay for dinner?!?! Oh, you're married? Or in a long term relationship where you don't do "dates"? Um, well that could be an issue. Maybe you guys should try the Craigslist personals. Your significant others wouldn't mind. And if they do, then you're single again and you could write sweet dating stories.


RS27- Homewrecking since 1980


3.) Sex- Again if you're married this could be an issue. HEY-OH! I'm here all blog.


4.) Drinking- We all have ridiculous stories about drinking. Maybe chasing your friend down the street because he bought a piece of pizza. Maybe falling down into a kiddie pool full of beer. Maybe telling some girl at the bar that she looks like a "well aged Hayden Panetierre". It's happened to all of us. Oh, you don't drink? Um, well what about that one time you had too much grape juice and you got so nuts that you stapled your co-workers hair to her note pad.

Can I get hit off that juice box?

5.) America- Hey did you guys here that America is in a recession? We have an almost totally black President? One of the best movies of the year was about some guy that said "I'm not a crook?" Yes, its true. We are living in an episode of Good times. This is blogging gold. Dy-No-Mite.

6.) Doing crappy lists.

I hope you take my suggestions to heart and come back strong. These topics write themselves. If you need some advice you can text or call me, I'll be back at home in bed.

Staring at a poster on the ceiling.