Some of Them Want to Abuse You, Some of Them Want to Be Abused
Monday, August 11, 2008
It seems as if Michael Phelps caused quite a stir among the people that like hard bodied male athletes.
I am not one of those.
A lot of people were distracted by that pic of Mike. If you made it to then end of the last post, congrats. Some of you didn't such as..
Ben said...
I'm sorry. I have no idea what you said after the link to the picture.Seriously. Not a clue.
Marie said...
Oh...my...GOD. I'm still slobbering over the picture
Lauren said...
Um, yeah, I kind of stopped reading after that linked picture to him. It's still on my screen. It says hello.What were you saying about pancakes?
A Martini Always Helps said...
Drool......Wait, what were you saying?
I now understand that people like other hot people. Me? I like myself very much. Hey-OH! Anyways, to celebrate the hotness, this week will be Hottest Olympic athletes week where the picture will be one of a hot Olympic athlete. Because if its hottest Olympic athlete week and they were hot actors or something it would be weird and kind of make no sense. Like Gary Busey everyday. I'll be taking suggestions for anyone that they feel deserves this honor this week.
We'll kick off Monday with Rhythmic Gymnast Almudena Cid from Spain. She's spicy.
See what I did there? Spanish. Spicy. Damn, I'm clever.
Saturday evening my phone was stolen. Outside of actually being killed this is probably the worst thing that could happen to a human being. I would rather have my wallet, my keys, my car stolen before someone takes my cellphone. Hell you can have my brother. Just take him, but leave me with my cellphone.
What am I going to check and fidget with when people annoy me at bars and I want to pretend I'm popular? How am I going to send out funny text messages at 12:45 AM on a Sunday?
HOW WILL I LIVE?!?!
When I play basketball at the park I never bring my cellphone there. Saturday I did because my friend was going to call me to meet up so I decided to bring it. You know just in case the phone rang during the middle of the game I could call a quick timeout and go over and chat about how freakin' Angelina and Brad are adopting AGAIN. Please stop.
The short story is that I left my cell phone on the bench at the park. I went to play basketball and since I'm super intense and undeniably focused at shutting down mad peeps that go one on one ( see: standing and hoping to touch the ball) someone jacked my phone from the bench. Maybe I should have learned my lesson from the key stealing incident, but I am a glutton for punishment.
And pizza.
Love pizza.
After I came back to the bench and noticed my Motorola Razr (you leave out the "O" because it's hip) missing I went into a mild panic and started frantically searching the park. It was at this point I did what any reasonable person in my situation would do.
I asked every homeless person to borrow their cellphone.
You see because I knew one of them had taken it. I know the process of interrogation. You have to try to trick the criminal. What better way to trick them to ask them for a cellphone? Then when they let me borrow one, I catch them dirty handed and fingerlessed glove when they hand over my phone. We all know homeless people are cooperative. Why wouldn't they be? A genius idea if I do say so myself.
As I asked the 6 homeless in the park for a cell phone and for some reason none of them had one. I don't get it. How do they call people? They must have some super secret homeless Psychic network. Probably sponsored by Miss Cleo since she has nothing better to do.
Call me now indeed.
So as my interrogation process failed and the search party came up empty, I decided to deal with my fate. My cell phone was gone. I had to go to karaoke night and sing Tom Jones without the comfort of knowing someone could text me and ask if the girl in the corner of the bar was a guy or girl. Instead we had to talk about it out loud. It was uncomfortable.
If anyone sees a homeless person in Santa Monica with a Razr phone with the back missing, kick him in the groin.
Then ask him for change.
27 comments:
oh im liking your plan to feature hot olymic athletes. cid isn't bad, but she's got a bit of a layering snafoo with her hair, no? guys probably dont care/notice those things.
still thinking about mike and his freaking rock hard ABS and no, i wont make any silly jokes about the breaststroke.
olympic?
That sucks about your phone. A homeless man stole some of my trash the other day. It's like a crime wave.
Didn't a homeless guy also try to steal your car from there?
Where the Hell do you live...Harlem?
IS there a Harlem in California? If so, I picture that all the hobos wear Prada.
Stolen from the basketball court, of course.
I demand a hotter female olympian. There's got to be better than that.
I will take your brother. If he comes with a cell phone.
Wait, that sounds dirty.
I think I'd rather lose my left arm than my cell phone.
I've lost my cell phone. I had a nifty Rumor and it was stolen at the bar. Now I have a shitty brick-type one until I decide I'm investing the $300 again.
Worst punishment ever.
I have at least three limbs I would rather stolen than my cell phone.
I pray someone steals my cellphone. My blackberry is ruining my social life.
Okay, I totally missed the Phelps pic last week and while he has an amazing body (kind of) he reminds me of a baboon or cave man...crazy long arms and HUGE freaking feet! I'm surprised his knuckles don't scrape the ground when he walks.
Best looking olympian?
Stephanie Rice from Australia
http://attractiveolympians.blogspot.com/2008/05/stephanie-rice-australia.html
Ugh! Losing my cellphone would completely paralyze and cripple me.
@dolce - you know what they say. big feet...big shoes.
It seems only right that my shout-out on your blog is for appreciating a man in a speedo.
I had no idea you were such an advocate for bum fights. You're so tough!
That gymnast is hot but she really needs to do something with that mop on her head.
i totally forgot about the key stealing bum incident, buddy you have some serious bad luck at that park.
and i also think there is a way hotter olympian girl out there.
i don't know what i'd do without my cell phone, i'd probably just stay on my computer all day long, it wouldn't be pretty.
omigodzilovethatsong!
what picture of hot men?
she's kinda cute...wouldn't say spicy....
dude, sorry about your cellphone, why didn't you just hangem upside down and shake until it fell outa thier pockets? or threaten to burn thier shopping carts full of paper?
Dayum! I hate when I can't use my phone. My reception was down for over 24 hours once and I almost died wondering who would be calling me to see if I was alive or not!
I'm a very important person, you know.
V I P Represent.
once someone stole my cell phone at work but neglected to change my ringtone so when i was walking down the hall a couple days later i hear good old familiar tune'age and was reunited with my contact vessel to the outside world.
Sucker!
thanks to groovy 70's bollywood music, that silly feroz khan and zeenat aman, good times!
hey...we're all brown here right?
...
......
?
anyyyyhooo i would still like to thank the ghost of lenny briscoe for leading me back to my shiny friend.
That sucks! Razrs are sweet phones too!
Over the past month or so I've lost my wallet, my iPod, next my house keys...I think my phone is next in line...and I'm not looking forward to that day!
I pretty much can't survive without my cell phone.
And I too, would give both my brothers in exchange for it.
I need to pretend i'm looking at it or talking on it when walking through empty parking lots.
Deters the criminals from mugging or kidnapping me.
Kinda hate to say it, but that girl is quite the butter face. Put a flag over her head and do it for your country, as they say....
I think you need a new park to play in...
En fuego...
There is a homeless man in Virginia Beach with 2 dogs. A friend of Claire's was chatting with him and asked him what he needed. He said dog food.
So, she said that she would pick up some dog food for his "pets" and wanted to set up a time to meet. He said that he could not be held to a schedule, but said that she should just "hit him up" on his cell phone. He then handed her a card with his celly # on it.
He is homeless.
Didn't you leave it on some girl's bedroom floor once too? Or was that your wallet?
I can't remember now.
Misty May is way hotter man.
I think you should just sit alone on the couch in your house so nothing bad will ever happen to you again.
Wait, I'm lying. If you do that I may never laugh again! (Because you're funny... not because I like laughing at people who are down on their luck. Right.)
But losing your cellphone is great! It's freedom! Sometimes I lose mine on purpose, it's great!
Now you can be really mysterious and Into the Wild-ish.
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