You Remain the Light On the Dark Side Of Me

I don't know if you guys have heard, but the new Batman movie is out this weekend! It's kind of weird since no one has been talking about a NEW Batman movie, how awesome Heath Ledger is as the Joker, or trying to rank Christian Bale's dreaminess on a scale that goes from a low of super dreamy to a high of ridiculously super awesome dreamy. I just hope this movie gets some more press because I'm not sure anyone is going to go see it.

I'm Batman.

I think those two words pretty much conjure up who Christian Bale is at this moment. Listen, I love me some Christian Bale. I'm willing to put him in the top 5 actors of my generation. I've dubbed him my man crush. I've seen every movie he's been in and seen American Psycho 357 times, but I have one question for Mr. Bale.

Why so Serious? (I stole that line from the movie tag line and also from the link I'm about to show everyone. I couldn't come up with anything more clever. I'm a thief.)

When I saw on Katelin's blog that he had been on the Today Show this past week, I quickly searched for it and found it on one of my favorite movie sites, Filmdrunk.com. It's a website that is exactly what you think it would be. People getting hammered and watching movies while throwing popcorn at the screen and yelling, "TAKE IT OFF!" Wait, hold on. I'm being told it's called that because they are drunk off of films.

BO-RING.

Anyway here is the link to the video. It's about 7 minutes long, but if you're a girl and like drooling over Christian Bale, it's worth it. If you're a guy and like drooling over Christian Bale, it's even MORE worth it.

A smile every now and then goes a long way I think. I don't understand how over the length of a 7 minute interview he didn't smile one time. Not to mention he is dressed completely in black. Oh My god. It just hit me. Christian Bale is BATMAN! The real life Batman! All in black, no smiling, driving a vehicle with words mobile and bat in them. It's all coming into focus.

Ridiculous.

Listen Christian, buddy, can I call you buddy? Ok, buddy. You are not THE Batman. No really you're not. I'm pretty sure you don't live in a cave and have a butler named Alfred and like this girl who's real name is Katie Holmes that acts all depressed in Batman Begins and ruins the film for you and all your friends, while simultaneously wanting to bash your head into a cup holder anytime she says anything.

Maybe that's just me.

"I would love for people to get out there and see it and that would be wonderful, but regardless, it will not lower my thoughts on the movie." - Christian Bale

Earth to Christian Bale. EVERYBODY ON THE FREAKIN' PLANET IS SEEING THIS MOVIE! How do I know? Let's go to a little something called movietickets.com. Let's see. Batman: The Dark Knight. Two tickets. Submit. Sold Out, Sold Out, Sold Out, Sold Out, Sold Out. No one wants to hear your humbleness. This is what I would have said.

"We made a great movie that everyone and their dog is going to see and if you don't see it you must either be blind or deaf. I take that back, deaf people will see it for the awesome movie that it is and blind people will see it because my voice is awesome."

Then Matt Lauer and my buddy start talking about the ethical values of the movie.

"It forces you to think." - Matt Lauer
"It raises many ethical questions" Christian Bale

WHAT?!?!

Exactly what ethical questions are we raising? When I go see Batman am I going to be walking into a Michael Moore documentary? Is this Bladerunner 2 where Harrison Ford is killing replicants who just want to live because its the law? Actually I get it. "What would I do if I had suit on that was like a bat and I encountered some guy dressed in clown make up that was robbing a bank?" I just don't know. Because clowns seem nice and all jovial and what not. But this is a bad clown. Ethics. You got me me Matt and Chris. Now I'm thinking.

I see what they're saying now.

They mention that one of the codes of Batman is that he won't kill. What's the ethical question then? Should he kill someone? Killing isn't very nice. Not very nice at all. This movie is exactly what everyone thinks it is. A Bat Man who is really rich fights crime against a Clown and a guy that has Two Faces in a city that is eerily similar to NYC. Just like I don't need any more women in my life, I also don't need any ethics in my Batman.

That all being said, I still will see every Christian Bale movie every put out from here to eternity. I will refer to Patrick Bateman when I have to return a movie and I will watch this movie in the theater and yell out a "There's my man!" when he first shows up on screen.

But it's a movie.

Don't make Alfred go all gangsta on your ass.