Ah Ha, Hush That Fuss

Because I can't read I didn't notice a little something something from my favorite Allie recognizing me for being Indian or something. So thanks Allie. And like Adam Sandler says, "Stay Cool, Stay Clean, Stay Focused, Frankenstein, have fun with your friends."

Has anyone seen the price of gas lately? No? No? Well it's like 8 dollars a gallon (approximate). It's insanity. When I become president I'm going to make all vehicles run on peanut sauce because I know like 3 people that actually eat that stuff and the rest is just rotting away on Supermarket shelves around America. Lets put it to good use.

Since gas is so expensive I decided to take a little trip yesterday on what the Germans call the "Booze" (I made that up) or in English, bus. There are a couple things people in Los Angeles don't do. The first is take public transportation. The second thing is pretend they're poor. That is not cool. The third thing is "be real." I love when people say that. " Yo, homes, you're not being real." Huh? What does that even mean? You know whats going to be real? A real kick in the groin, that's what.

+1

Anyways, at lunchtime I took the bus down to the mall to go buy some sweet sunglasses. Since my car was in the shop, I needed someway to get around and the bus stop is right outside my work building. I would have live blogged the event, but shockingly, the LA metro buses are not wired for Internet usage. I got that sense when I walked in to the bus and saw a used "Leave It to Beaver" lunchbox from 1952 on the ground in the back of the bus.

Damn that brown-nosing Eddie. What a two-face.

So anyways lets play the LA bus game by the numbers shall we? That's a rhetorical question please don't answer.

1 - The amount of African-American older gentlemen that were riding the bus with a huge white hair Afro

6 - The amount of kids that made fun of said white hair Afro man while walking by him at the bus stop.

2 - The amount of laughs I got when I told one of the kids making fun of him that his fly was open and that he had boogers on his lip.

Infinity - How great I felt. Making fun of kids rocks.

4 - Number of drunk people on the bus at 12:15 P.M.

3 - Number of times one drunk guy told the bus driver, "Man, you're a cool cat. Real cool."

(Aside- Is there any better compliment than "you're a cool cat"? Really try to think of one.)

1,534 - Amount of time I checked the bus schedule to make sure I was on the right bus.

3 - stops before I realized I was on the wrong bus

.4 - miles I had to walk to get back to the right bus stop

75 - amount in cents it supposed to cost for a one way ride

1.50 - amount I paid because my dumbass got on the wrong bus.

2 - Amount of apples the old lady next to me with no teeth ate on the bus

1 - Number of cores she ate

1 - Number of cores shew threw on the ground

Negative 562 - Her "classy" rating.

10 - amount of times the bus driver told her, "No eating in the bus ma'am"

1 - guy that slept in the bus

1.2 - gallons of drool that came went from his mouth onto his shirt. (approximate)

45 - minutes it took to get to the mall after my initial venture out of the building

15 - minutes I spent in the mall

30 -minutes I spent waiting for the bus back

2.15 - average number of minutes people will waste reading this post.